My PreTeen Blues, Parenting

Dear Social Media, This MoM will not compete with You

Started from the bottom now we here…

After one year of protesting, Senior Hija has a phone with a pinch of social media action. Not just any phone, but a smart phone. She has what she has been begging for. I got more than I bargained for. Do you all know how time consuming it is to be a superb mom with a dash of detective responsibilities added? Well, ‘dash’ would really undermine my gargantuan efforts to be smarter than a twelve-year-old but you get what I’m saying.

The Process…

Initially, I would vigorously check her texts, call logs, browser history of the world wide web, apps downloaded, and photo album. When I say vigorous, I mean like brillo pad scrubbing old eggs off a nonstick pan vigorous. Does that sound like anyone you know? How do parents find the time?! Who has the will to maintain this much unpaid labor?! I apparently do and signed dotted lines all over the place – the phone contract and my responsibility as a parent to my child and our community. I should have known the day was coming that she would be an enthusiast of social media but not this young.

Deal or No Deal

Then I made a deal with her, “you can have two social media apps on your phone but I would have the final say”. In my mind, two apps were definitely a no go. One famous app she said is for “old people”. The other she requested would allow her to be exposed to adult content even when she didn’t look for it. So instead, we agreed on an app that recorded her raw dance and lip syncing talents while the other was a video log app.

I thought we were on the good foot until some things just triggered my hell nawl! Eye spy some above twelve-year-old level maturity. This is when I told my big girl and Social Media – I’m not doing this with you!!!! Big girl told me she could change settings and remove people from her friends list but the receipts Social Media gave me, in her phone, let me know it was too late. The ship- for a third, fourth or fifth chance sailed and it was going, going and BYE! When I explained to my daughter why I need to help her become more responsible by adding restrictions, she was so lost in translation.

The Executive Decision on Social Media…

Momma Vante cannot be made responsible for adulting, parenting and detective duty. Overwhelming feelings of “she is doing too much’, is how I felt to say the least. Efforts to read and decipher code words, trying to fill in the conversation gap when messages or pictures were deleted or not saved were grand. I had to explain why it was not ok to share a screen shot of a partially dressed child.  Group chats also are a  no go because although she might not have read or replied back to certain content – talk and photos about nude body parts was more than I bargained for!!!!!

Senior Hija remains with a cell phone (snatched from time to time).  It has texting capabilities, and the same app showing her raw dancing and lip synching skills. She will always have access to the world wide web. But what she learned that day, is that she would have to free her mind. She would have to find other ways to spend time on and off her phone. She hasn’t been engaged in her phone as much; has picked up a few books that were overdue to be read. I’m sure there will be new adventures in the future. For now, I can focus on raising a twelve-year-old girl with other pressing issues coming her way.

2 thoughts on “Dear Social Media, This MoM will not compete with You

  1. Thank you for sharing this!! So true, all of it! Unfortunately I felt the same overwhelming fear of losing control over my tweens and social media–the latter, which I have absolutely NO control over anyway–but I have gotten skilled at facing it and not fearing it. They know if I sense any inappropriate surfing, posting, etc…(and by “sensing” I mean random phone checks, and I have access to their one account where they showcase their dancing/lip syncing talents)! Moms, we will not lose! Learning to pay close attention to it, but not obsessing over it is key.

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