My PreTeen Blues, Parenting

Pretweening at Recess with Her Bae: Recess Bae

Preteening & Recess Bae just kind of happened

Around the time I decided I needed to restrict Senior Hija’s social media access, I found out about him – Recess Bae.  Senior Hija came home telling me about someone else having a boyfriend and her mother’s reaction. Well, I thought to myself, “Does she have a boyfriend”? 

I listened intently as she gave me all the details about her friend, so when it was the time I knew the right things to ask.

Patience is a virtue

I wanted to come right out and ask her. Instead, I said to her, “Go bathe. And by the way, I need your phone”. She gladly gave me her phone as if there was nothing to hide which gave me a bit of confidence she wasn’t a sneak. But what I found was everything that leads me to restrict her social media access. Then, that Recess Bae came to light.

She came back into my room smelling good, hair all washed, conditioned and springing out of control. Then, she sat on my bed to start online homework when I asked, “So Senior Hija…and you better be very honest with me…. do you have a boyfriend”? Paralyzed is how she looked while on my bed as her dad and I gave her the stare down. Only seconds went by, but it seemed like forever before she responded, “Mom, I am not even going to lie to you…yes”.

What!? Waaaaaa…..did she just shut me down while earning brownie points at the same damn time! What do you mean you are not going to lie and YES, you got a ‘boyfriend’?

Have I lost the battle before it even began?

I clearly told her I was not an advocate of boyfriendism at this age. She could be friends with boys and learn how to have friendships with boys without being in a serious relationship. Clearly, she wanted to test the waters and I just had to be a better parent than she was being a child.

Thats the thing about being parents – we were once children, raised by men and women who laid down laws that we didn’t follow once upon a time as well. Also, my version of boyfriend and her version of boyfriend are totally different and so I am learning to fall back just a pinch because my adult mind and her child mind aren’t the same.

I just know when I was twelve years old I lost my virginity and with a grown ass man. Funny though because when I was twelve, I was not allowed to do anything after school with my friends and I surely wasn’t allowed to have any friendships with boys. We didn’t have cell phones and text messaging. We did have a house phone, but I was not allowed to have incoming or outgoing calls.

My mother played no games about her oldest child. But all that militant structure propelled me into a childhood of desperately wanting to know the wonders of the world my mother was hiding me from. I found out all right and the hard way. In her defense, she was trying to protect me. I get that now.

So, as a product of that parenting, I want to allow my child to feel like she has certain ‘luxuries’ and that her mother will be apart of it every step of the way. I think I can honestly vouch for my daughter in that — she may be curious about things but she isn’t where I was at her age. So calm down Momma Bear, calm down.

Back to Recess Bae…

At the same time my husband and I are having a conversation with her about this school thing she has going, her phone receives a text from none other than Recess Bae.

Him: Can I talk to you about something?

Me (Playing like I am her): Like what?

Him: About us

This is too much for my blood pressure! This was about to be the moment of truth Im thinking! My mind was racing. 

Him: I think we should act like we go out more

Me (Playing like her still): What does that mean?

Him: I mean actually talking, not walking right past each other in the hallway. I just want you to know.

Me: Well Recess Bae this is Momma Bear – Senior Hija’s mom. She isn’t allowed to have boyfriends. She is too young and so are you. I don’t mind her texting or receiving texts from boys but no nudity, no cursing, and no adult content ok. I just want to be clear. Good night.

He actually replied: “Good night Ma’am”.

Yes, I just lost this battle…again.

So, what is a Recess Bae?

In my daughter’s case, a boy who isn’t in any of her classes except band and they see each other in the hallway in passing. She has lunch in the same lunch period with him but not on the same lunch table; shares a band locker with him, has hallway lockers next to each other and they see each other to talk and giggle for thirty minutes during recess.

Ladies & Gentleman, this is my twelve year old’s version of a boyfriend. I don’t support any boyfriendism at this age but I was her age once. I did things that were on an adult level. This recess business doesn’t even touch my past with a long handled spoon.

Fast forward

I keep Recess Bae as a hot topic in our car conversation. How was school? Anything exciting? Any drama? Oh, and how is Recess Bae with major side eye. I have to entertain this stuff. If I don’t, I will be shut out of the life of a 6th grader. She won’t know who she can best vent to about Recess Bae.

I want to be here for all the venting but more important, to give her clear advice about how 6th grade girls should handle 6th grade ‘relationship’ issues with 6th grade boys.  Lets be clear, I do not approve  of my child at this age having a relationship with any boy. But this isn a relationship, and it just isn’t any boy – its Recess Bae.

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