All Baes go to Heaven
At some point, Baes either graduate with their Bachelor of Arts in Excellency or in this case, due to technical difficulty, my preteen recess bae went to heaven. Deuces! Au Revoir! Addio! Adios! Arrivederci! Bye-bye! Cheerio! Good day Sir! Goodby, Goodby, goodbye, and good-bye! Sayonara! So long! Adieu! Auf wiedersehen! Bye!
Another car ride and another moment of heart to heart with my big girl. I got the new hot spicy tea without asking and it went something like this:
“Ok Mom, I have an update for you”. Senior Hija begins to tell me about her recent event with Recess Bae and I am listening. “You know, about Recess Bae”.
I keep my eyes on the road with hands at nine and three. I breathe deeply, and silently and then ask, “Ok.Whats up”?
Frowning with puckered lips she replies, “Um, he is really nasty”.
“Yea, well all boys are disgusting”. I say sneaking a rolled side eye while driving.
“Not funky, body odor disgusting mom…”She goes on to say, “Girls are always telling me the things he does”.
I raise my eyebrows and get into my own experience but come back down to pre-teen world. “Well, did you ask him about it? Do you believe them”?
“Yea mom and well, I don’t have to ask him because I see what he does during band practice”. She says. “I am not like that”.
*twerking my inner butt cheeks as I hear this from her lips*
“It’s annoying. I don’t like that type of stuff. I cut him off”. Then she sinks into her seat and hides behind her glasses.
Read in between the lines of Baes watch
The lightbulb goes off in my head but she doesn’t seem to want to elaborate on exactly what he does. She knows I will lose my shit. Maybe he sent another nude to another young girl or showed some private parts or even worse, maybe he participated in some adult like behavior.
Seems like there is a lot of unknown. She is too embarrassed to put it into words for me. This is why I keep my doors open and allow my child to know she can trust me. I am her mother, her resource, and have her best interest at heart always.
Especially relevant to this important topic is that a lot of parents are not ready to have these conversations with their children. It is natural that boys and girls are going to like each other and develop forms of relationships. My pre-teen thinks she knows what she likes and dislikes but I need to make sure she has parental guidance. She knows my expectations of her and also, she is starting to set expectations for herself. Parenting is all about trial and error and I am going to be there for her while she goes through it all as long as she allows me. Being an active participant in her life will happen if she feels like she can trust me. Trust is usually a point of entry for any relationship but I want her to be able to know all the right relationships she should be trustful in.
When is the last time you have had an open dialogue with your child?
Car rides have been a winner for me, especially after school. Everything is fresh on her mind, and that’s when I ask and listen to it all. I usually ask one question or two that leads to an entire unraveling of her day’s events. Car rides are a time to catch up and review.
Tips to create an environment for sharing
- Be consistent, children can sense when you are having genuine dialogue vs. probing
- Disconnect from cell phones, radio, tv and other electronics
- Minimize interruptions to listen
- Be slow to respond. Abrupt and aggressive reactions may restrict future tales
10 Tips for Parenting Tweens is a good and straight to the point article I found helpful. Tips 2, 3 & 4 are my favorite!