Choose your “trusted” resources wisely
I was preparing to delve into “bad touch” and “red flags” until I read a few things online that set me off. It read all wrong. One particular resource had me wondering who in the hell is offering some of this advice because it is not accurate. Rather, it is not relevant! It also makes me not know how to feel about myself, once again. I’m sick of being so damn unsure about what was right and wrong. I don’t know what I expect you to think either. But please, ride this pony with me.
This is my love offering: Discuss bad touch with your children
Don’t tell them they should differentiate or figure out good and bad touch based on ‘how it made them feel’. The “how it makes you feel” qualification is what sparked this fire in my ass. If they are destined to be your “fast ass”, or “hot ass” like me, they won’t think a ‘bad touch’ is bad if the ‘bad touch’ makes them feel good. You see where I am going here ? When it all started for me, it was a family member, who was a trusted baby sitter and when it started it never stopped. But, it didn’t feel bad. Is that bad? The touch felt…good, at the age of four. How sway? I don’t know but it did.
Time may pass but experiences never go away
I am drowning in this knowledge gap, and I need someone else to help fill in these holes. Not my physical holes, but mental holes. I need help putting the pieces together so I can shelve, these feelings of confusion, away. I always welcome your input. Your two cents and shared experiences will possibly show me a way to leave the past behind as it has settled like dust. Maybe, one day, I will allow myself to use my experiences as a “better parenting guide”. I just know I feel crazy thinking back 31 years. I am wondering, “How could you feel that way” !? How do I victim blame and shame myself!? Can I do that? Well, I did and continue to do so.
Don’t be afraid to take control
Ok, you don’t want to sit down? Fine. Stand up, or hang upside down but talk with your child as young as even the age of 2 and discuss inappropriate touch. I was age four when I had my first ‘advance’, so it’s never too soon to prepare your children. When you do sit down, stand up or hang upside down with your child to talk about inappropriate touch, talk about the facts only. Inappropriate touch is anyone touching your “vagina, penis, breasts and/or buttocks”. Inappropriate touch is also anyone making you touch their vagina, penis, breasts and/or buttocks…with lips, tongue, hands, feet; Any form of giving or receiving touch to those areas is wrong.
A vagina is a vagina is a vagina
I always say I don’t want to judge anyone’s parenting style, but I die a little inside every time I hear children talking about ‘pocket books’, ‘possums’, ‘cookies’, ‘wee wee’ and what ever other vernacular you feel comfortable with. You are setting up yourself and your child, for failure. I gah-ron-tee-et, ok! Throw out those defenseless, meaningless terms and arm your children with facts! Prepare them! Defend them! Vagina, Penis, Breasts and Assholes are most appropriate. It is ok to teach your babies the appropriate terms or else, you are going to be in a world of trouble when the judge asks, “So, about this pocket-book…what do you carry in it? Lip gloss? A fruit snack? Or a pack of bubble gum”? Don’t do it!
As a parent you really have to believe and deal with the fact that it can happen to the children you gave birth to. The first step is acknowledging it can happen anytime, anywhere, to any girl or boy, and the offender is usually the last person you would ever suspect. Support your children and not the offender!