Things a Mom-wife should say and do is usually retrospective but it doesn’t have to be
Having a lot and more than enough on my plate is the only way I can function as an adult, mom-wife, daughter, oldest sibling, and kind of good friend…oh and storyteller. I have way too many things going on at one time. Thats why I say “Mom-Wife” and not Mom then Wife. Its happening at the same time. However, I don’t complain about it and try to make it work because its the way I beat Depression down. So, while I suck at planning, I just know I have lots of stuff to prioritize, with deadlines, on a budget. Momma Vante just gets it done! Ask my husband; he sat at the table having a whole conversation with me as I Karate Blocked it while trying to read, and type about all of this.
As a Mom- Wife, as a Mom, As a wife
1. Spend time with yourself, alone
2. Excuse yourself
3. Make plans to do 1 & 2
4. Create boundaries
I should have taken myself to the gym…but Im busy being Mom-Wife…
For the first time in a long time, I went to the gym yesterday. It’s a no intimidation gym. I like it. No mirrors everywhere I go or people who look fit and know how to use all the equipment. I hate those people. They are always doing the right thing, at the right time, using the right equipment in the right angles of the mirrors. That’s why I left my former gym. I joined one where people look more like me, are minding their own damn business while looking clueless and I didn’t run across a single mirror! That felt good.
I don’t have a weight loss goal. Looking good in clothes, without things hanging over or tightly tucked is my goal. Even bigger than those goals is the one where I shape this mass of ass in the rear which my super fit and gorgeous daughter told me, “Mom, your butt looks funny…it has a funny shape”. I wanted to say, Well, FUCK YOU TOO” but I knew that would mean being a “bad” parent and so, I just redirected her. She meant well, but I can never receive that message well. The one where you are told directly, like you ask, that you could benefit from change, but you are just lazy ass hell about it. That’s what I do. I don’t take care of ME, while I am making sure everything else is together. I’m not in order.
I should have just gotten up and said, “Byeeeee” but Im busy being Mom-Wife…
MVP is not even home! Someone graciously asked me to pack her up for the day, and I kindly hand delivered her with bells and whistles. She is my more difficult child being the middle child, at five years old and has loud jealousy. She takes me high and low, with a sparkly leash! MVP talks, and sings songs, is passive aggressive and wants to rub the skin off my arm while cuddling on the opposite arm of the arm her brother is in.
I am home with the rest of the clan, and they seem to be compensating for her absence. My son is reaching and pulling for items he has no clue will put him into a deep sleep. My big girl is giving me the blues about what dish in the sink she won’t be washing because per our family meeting a few weeks ago, everyone needs to be accountable. The dog is laying on my foot and then my husband…
He is talking to me about logistics, rules, and policies of something that right now, mean nothing to me. Like, he was sitting at the kitchen table, arm’s length away having an entire conversation in my space. I was ignoring, typing, thinking, reading, backspacing. I look up and it’s him, staring at me waiting for a comment, approval, or something for the three thousand words he just slung at me. Im thinking, I should have gotten up when he walked in and walked out to a place where I could just be alone with my laptop and my thoughts.
I should have just planned when I bought my planner but Im busy being Mom- Wife…
But that means I have to rise and fall as I “plan” it on paper and well, I just don’t like that. I don’t like keeping my sleep on a schedule like a baby. JV already is regulating my sleep. I like to just go to sleep when JV allows me to and wake up, and work on things and get them done.
I have an imaginary To Do List in my Universe. It has an imaginary timetable and I know I’m MAKING progress when my anxiety levels go down. That’s how I know I am making progress. My gut, heart, and mind allows me just to sit and look into deep space …without a worry. However, I bought a cheetah print planner in January. Super cute, has space for babble talk and more. I started using it until I stopped, and now I look at it every day…just look at it but don’t open it. That would mean I am taking care of me. I don’t exactly know how to do that while I’m taking care of everything and everyone else.
I should have said, Get out of my Space…Right Now. I should have said that and not felt bad about it…but Im busy being Mom-Wife, …
I’m always a work in progress. Today, right now…I am taking these few moments to drag myself and family. But after I click post, I will become everything to everyone and not myself…again. Thats mom-wife, daughter, oldest sibling, student and kind of good friend.